Thursday, April 19, 2012

Not Good Enough

I suddenly found myself at the bottom again, stressing around while trying to do it all at once. Doing the laundry, cleaning and cooking food for a couple of days. I'm struggling with eating less carbohydrates since visiting my mom, and I planned to prepare food and bake to make the diet easier to follow. My mind spun with thoughts about what I had to do, things that needed to be done and panic over not being able to do it all. I have photos and videos of my nephew to edit and upload, I need to sort through the freezer and the larder, my plants are in need of attention and all four aquariums need a water change. The stress made me stress even more and I could feel myself sinking, it's too much, I can't do it all. I'm not good enough.

Our oldest son called and asked if there was something he could get me on the way home. And I answered without thinking. Chips!

I stopped running around, logged in to my favourite game site, stuffed myself with chips and chocolate and dropped it all. I'll never be good enough, I'll never be able to do all the things I need to do. I might as well give up here and now.

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