Now I'll rewrite the whole chapter and change the POV (point of view) since it does not work. I've also made a list of the good advice I've gotten this far. I think it will make it easier to correct my mistakes before I make them. ... hopefully.
- What is the scene about?
- Why do I want it to be about that?
- Is it backstory or not?
- What do I gain?
- How much does the reader need to know?
- What will the reader learn and walk away with from that scene?
- What’s the point of telling it?(If there is no point: Kill It!)
- What’s the conflict?
- How does the character change in the scene?
- Never use more than 1 POV within a chapter. (Let's face it, you're not skilled enough to manage to pull it off.)
- "Act it out". Let the reader read the character rather than the words.
- Obvious is obvious. Don't rub it in.